so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
