He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
