Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
