Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
