a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
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When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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