I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I got chris browned last night
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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