6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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