i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
