I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
