my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
