I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
