My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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