You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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