i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You ate ashes out of my bong
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
