Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
