Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
