3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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