I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
you made out with another girl for some wings
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
