i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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