***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When are your genitals available?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
