Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
