I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
