Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
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