Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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