I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
