i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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