Fuck appropriateness.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
