Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
