We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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