I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
