I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
