A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
