She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
