The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Can I color on your dick again?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
