i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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