Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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