I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
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You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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