Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
