Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
