I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
