how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
