This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Shame is for Republicans.
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