If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
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