He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize