I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
