Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
