I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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