I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
