I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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