You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
