The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
