I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
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