You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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