I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dicks are not precious.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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