I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
