I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize