Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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