wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
