I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
