you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
