she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
