david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
