hotel room ftw
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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