i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
