There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
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He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
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I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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