Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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