DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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