for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
