I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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