I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
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