I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
