oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
