Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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