I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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