Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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